Oatmeal

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you are driving to work with an oatmeal container in the back seat, only to get to work and see that 1/4 of it has dumped into your floor board? You say a quick curse word, clean as much of it up as you can while the 100 mph winds mess up the coif that you so carefully sculpted this morning, then stomp inside. Then you grab your coffee mug, bowl, and the oatmeal only to drop the remainder of the oatmeal container ALL OVER your office floor. Thousands of little flakey oats scattered in your doorway. Have you ever had one of those mornings? No? Well I did. Super fantastic start to my day.

Say Whaaa?

Joaquin Phoenix is seriously walking the line right now. Many are speculating that his recent retirement from acting to his ungraceful debut of rapping, is a hoax. Could he be making a mockumentary? What in the hizzle does he really think he is doing? He made a comment in an interview saying that this rapping thing was just him putting himself out there. Some people may like it and maybe they won't, but he feels the same way about acting. He said that people could look at him in a movie and wonder why in the hell he's playing the role.
Well, Mr. Phoenix, or should I say J. Phoezzie, I urge you to sit back, at a barber shop and take a look at yourself rapping if you seriously aren't joking. Acting is most certainly his calling. I have loved him in everything I have seen him in. He always plays the role perfectly. He was on my Hollywood Hot Guys list. Now look at him. His beard has it's own zip code and his clothes? The beanie? He looks like he stole a homeless guys wardrobe. What is he doing? I really hope this is a joke. I would hate to see someone as talented as he is flush his career down the rap toilet. He wouldn't be the first, nor will he be the last though.

Get Back

Ok, I like Kathryn Heigl. I first saw her in My Father the Hero in 1994. I've always liked her. I'm not exactly sure what happened recently, but apparently she made some comments about something and was called a hypocrite, ungrateful and few other things. Some even said she shouldn't be able to act anymore. I think I even heard a rumor that the director of Grey's Anatomy was so angry with her that they planned to kill her off with a brain tumor. I don't know what happened but I do have to say I became a bit irritated when I saw her accept an award for 27 Dresses at the peoples choice awards.
She came plowing up the stage, with the cast and some of the crew of the film, and made a b-line for the microphone. She did, however, slap hands with a few audience members. When she got up there she grabbed her co-star and just started rambling. Of course it was all about how great the fans are and that it wouldn't have happened without them and suddenly it turned to me, me, me. Not one other person said a thank you or anything. Right towards the end of her speech she was all "I'm so glad you guys are ok with me." She kind of squeaked away from the mic as she said that. I don't know why but I got kind of annoyed with that. Maybe it's just me. Probably, really, shouldn't be a huge deal, but for some reason it felt so self centered to me.
Of course your fans are going to be ok with you. Most of the things said of you came straight from Hollywood and the media. I think it must just be me. I prefer stars that are modest and humble. She just seemed overly ecstatic, as if her career all hung on this award. Ok, I'm just being retarded. I'm not making any sense. This is one of those things that only I can understand. I guess Hollywood can do that to you. People would hate me. I would get extremely annoyed at people mis-understanding me and then turning around and making me the bad guy because of my views. Maybe I just really wanted to play this video:

Rated CVE (Cover Virgin Ears)



FYI: This is not my normal everyday listening. I just liked it because of Tom Cruise.

Goldielocks

Goldielocks would be pissed! There is not one place in Nashville where you can get a coffee that is juuusst right. When I mean just right, I'm not talking about cream and sugar, bitter or not bitter. I'm talking about juust right as in doesn't take 7 layers of tissue out of your cheeks and leaves your tongue so blistered you can't taste food for a week! What's the deal? Do these restaurants think that our mouths run at 200 degrees? Instead of a caf and decaf, they need a boiling lava hot and a warm for those of us who prefer to keep our tongues and not have a melted hole in our cheeks.
This is also annoying due to the fact that I want coffee in the morning and I prefer not to water it down with ice, nor do I fancy letting it sit and stare at me on my desk while it cools. I could get some refrigerated creamer, but then that would mean I would have to go to the store and I hate the store. I'm sure many agree that coffee is your morning pick me up and it's nothing to fool around with. I have a giant cup of joe staring me in the face right now that's to hot to even look at. It's ridiculous. Maybe I'm a weenie, but I don't care. I would like to be able to talk by the end of the week.
That does it. I'm starting a coffee shop and I'm calling it Warm, or just right, or Goldielocks. Well, you get the point.

Annoyed

I may have written about this before, but I can't help but become baffled every time Mark tries to use iTunes. I guess every time he tries to do anything with the computer. I know, I know, he can't help it. Unlike me, staring at a computer all day, he stares into mouths. Still, why is it that I have to walk him through how to use iTunes 2 or three times a week. Maybe I wouldn't be so bothered if I was standing right next to him, but no, he will yell across the house for me to help him when I'm in the bathroom or have my hands elbow deep in dishwater. Every single time he wants to buy or load a song to his iPod, I have to remind him how to do it. He's the same way with cleaning too. If the dog vomits on the floor, he freaks out and asks me what to do. "What do I do LeAnna, what do I need to do?" Do you have any idea how many times he's cleaned up puppy accidents? Well, it's quite a few times, which lead me to think that he would know how to handle the situation. Instead, I get yelled at for help, while I'm in the shower. Oh, bless his heart. Sometimes I could kick him in the earlobe and no doubt he feels the same about me. It can't make him too happy when I roll my eyes a thousand times because I think he should know how to do something by now.
I guess he would probably get pretty annoyed with me too if I asked him a billion times in a week how to work a cavatron and x-ray machine.

How Nature Intended?

I am not a homophobe. Really I'm not but I am kind of disgusted with Hollywood at the moment. I watch about 6 or 7 TV shows during the week and about half of those have decided that their characters need lesbian interaction. What in the hell is wrong with these people? Are they being picketed by gay and lesbian supporters outside the studio for more exposure? It's kind of sad actually that the creators of these shows are that unimaginative. I'm sure you could find another way for two people to relate in a show other than their one year stint as a gay or lesbian couple. They could have met rock climbing in Europe when tragically a rope snapped and the other one save the other's life or something. Well, that's not to imaginative, but you get my point. It's like "Hmmmmm . . . her character is boring and she's out of a relationship. Oh wait, I know, let's try something new and have her fall in love with a girl. Lot's of kissing though and talk about under the belt." GAG ME WITH A SPOON! JAB MY EYEBALL OUT WITH A DULL KNIFE!
I believe that you can sincerely love a person of the same sex but I also believe that it is wrong to sleep with that person as well. Relations (haha, i just used that word didn't I) should be left between a man and a woman. Look, if you want to be in a gay lesbian relationship then whatever. I don't agree with it but I won't judge you because you are still a person I know outside of that kind of relationship but why does it have to be promoted all over the fricking place like it's the best alternative lifestyle. "Go kiss a girl if you are bored with your life and status." It's stupid. Does anyone else realize that all these people had to get here with a sperm and egg? It's how nature intended, right?

Didn't Need that Paycheck

Oh thanks, I didn't need that paycheck anyway. My wallet is drained, almost down to the last penny. Why you ask? Well because, didn't you know that September is also Christmas for my family. The number of birthdays in my family for September alone is enough to kill Donald Trumps Wallet. Now usually, after you hit about 23, you stop getting gifts. Cards with perverted jokes and attacks on your age are now the joy of your gift opening. To bad for me that most of the gift receivers are under the age of 6. Cake, toys, clothes that get tossed aside with abrupt force and tons of kids running and screaming "CAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEE, PREESSENTS!!!" I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and almost 9 birthdays that are celebrated in September. This month needs to be a forbidden month from here on out for birthdays. That goes for anyone I know. NO SEX FROM DECEMBER TO MARCH!!!! EVER! I will not allow for it. Picture me standing over you head with a pitchfork, squirting spermicide in you face, throwing condoms, sponges and birth control of every kind on you until the weight of them allows you to can hump no longer! Only from December to March though, because we need another birthday in September like we need a new butt hole.

Never-ending Battle with Nashvillians

I have had it up to my tee-tas with Nashville traffic. The last two days it's as if half of the Nashvillians out there have targeted me for their little game we know as "I'm a Moron with a license."

Yesterday on my way home, I turn on my blinker to get over in the interstate lane. This guy behind me sipping on his 1200 calorie milkshake sees this and speeds up. The ramp is only a few feet away. My windows are rolled down and I sream "THANKS!" As I slow even more and proceed to get in the lane behind him, he, FOR NO REASON WHAT-SO-EVER, slams on his breaks. I was inches away from ripping of his bumper. It just pisses me off. Listen up morons! When someone puts on their blinker and you have room for them, LET THEM OVER!!! They probably have a good reason for needing to get over. They aren't out to just pull in front of you and go 10 miles per hour under the speed limit. Although there are those jerks too. Well, I"M NOT ONE OF THEM. I have a legitimate reason for needing to get over that this guy was obviously oblivious too. Keep slurping you slurpie dick!
This morning I am making a left turn at a light with the go ahead arrow! Guess what? Some idiot in his damn BMW decides it's ok for his tight wad ass to just go ahead and make a right turn pretty much right into my front bumper. I have other traffic behind me, slam on my brakes, as does he and then just look at him like he's lost him mind. I start to move forward thinking he realized what an horrible law abiding citizen he is and . . . no. He continues to move right across in front of me. IDIOT!!!! YOU HAVE TO YEILD TO ONCOMING TRAFFIC STUPID!!!! Almost two wrecks in two days.
So here I am fuming! Now while I am waiting to get on the interstate, there is a little side street to my right and cars are dying to move in front of me. Usually I politely let two or three cars go, but here I am angry. I actually leave room for this one SUV to pull out and guess what!? The car behind him, doesn't even look at me and eagerly tries to pull his butt into the 1 foot space left between my car and the SUV bumper. Of course I had to not move and let him go once traffic started flowing. No thanks, or wave of his hand, the shit face. I said a few choice words though as I watched him squeeze his way in front of me.
I'm on the interstate, and things are running smooth until I get close to my exit. Now, there is a ramp that comes on to the interstate about a mile before my exit. It doesn't merge, but continues to stay a lane. Well this car comes down the ramp and is riding just a few feet in front of me. I have on my blinker to get over but they are too close. I have enough time to speed up and go around. Oh . . . OOOOHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! DID YOU EVEN SEE ME OR LOOK IN THOSE THINGS CALLED A MIRROR!!!! This stupid, idiotic, moosh for brains person throws on their blinker while simultaneously pulling just inches in front of me into my lane!!! WHY ME! WHAT IN THE NAME PETE DID I DO WRONG!!!! Yes, I cuss, yes I have a dirty thought or two, yes I occasionally roll through a stop sign, yes I like to dance naked through the streets, but really!!!!! This has been ridiculous! Can I make a citizens arrest on really bad, irresponsible, the law doesn't apply to me, PEOPLE!!! I'm tired of this crap. GIVE ME SOME FLOO POWDER DAMNIT!

Size 14

Monday I went shopping for a bridesmaids dress. We tried on I think every dress in the store with only one to our liking. Although it was to our liking we didn't buy it because we wanted to wait for another to come in first. The whole time we are in there I am struggling to get even one dress zipped all the way. It's miserable feeling like a fat cow in a gorgeous dress. Looking at the sizes make you want to rip out your hair, stomp your feet like a five year old and pee all over the dress. We left hopeful that this other dress would come in and make us all look Angelina Jolie Glamorous. The very next day one of the dresses comes in . . . in a size 10. I go to try it on and I am jumping out of my panties, because not only is it a size smaller than all the other dresses I tried on, it actually fits with a little room!!! It looked great and I felt great. No peeing on this dress. I asked the woman assisting me if I should go to a size 8. She looked at me with an "I don't think so look" and then tugged on the dress with a "Well, I'm surprised, you aren't as fat as you look" look and tells me she thinks I could go down a half size, but not a whole one because I wouldn't be able to breath. Um shut up. Who cares about breathing anyway? I put my name and size down just in case this is the one and I wait.
Yesterday. Oooohhhhhh, yesterday! The girl who assisted me calls me to leave me a message. I am excited thinking that all the girls have tried on the dress and are ready to make their purchase. I listen to my message . . . OH HELL NO!!! You have to be kidding. She calls me only to tell me that no one ever really looked at the tag and it was actually a size 14! Well, maybe if I punt her butt out the door I could lose the extra two inches. I about started crying. Looks like my fat butt will be eating salad and ex-lax for 4 months. Right after I have pizza tomorrow that is.

Thomas Beatie

Looks like this here may be one of probably few controversial issues that I write about. I just read about Thomas Beatie, a pregnant um . . . man who lives in the US. Thomas is expecting a baby girl next month. Now, does anyone else see this as a bit twisted? Yeah yeah, I know that any person can do what they like to their body, but doesn't that just mean piercings, tatoos, boob jobs, penis enlargment, lipo, etc? Those things I can understand, but what this girl , this absolutley gorgeous girl, did to her body because she was in love with another woman and the law where she lived did not allow same sex marriages? I think it is outrageous. Go be in love somewhere else where you don't have to torture your body. Now, I absolutely refuse to call Thomas a man. I don't care how many surgeries, pills or whatever you have had done, if you were born a woman, your ARE a woman. I don't care. People all over are calling her a him. Where are you brains? How do you think it's ok to call her a him. SHE'S HAVING A BABY WITH HER LEFT OVER REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS PEOPLE. SHE ISN'T A MAN! I also believe that having a child is a natural part of what a woman wants, hence the reason she kept her reproductive organs, not what any human being wants.

I am just baffled at how you explain this to a child. Why would any person want to put themselves through this? No matter what sex you change to, your are still going to have the same urges that you would had you never done anything at all. It makes no sense to me. I can't imagine all of the things that this little girl will be ridiculed for and have to go through. What would they have done had it been a boy? I'm not a man, but I doubt that she knows what it is really like to be a man. You can say you are happy and confident in your new sexuality, but you will never truly know. I personally know that once my son, if I have one, hits a certain age I won't know what to do. I won't have the answers to his questions or know how to handle certain situations for him. I will get uncomfortable giving him a bath after a certain age. I know there are plenty of single moms out there who manage but I am glad that I have a husband who will be able to help me through this. Wouldn't it have just been easier to move to a state where it was allowed and then deal with that instead. I think its a lot harder for a child to understand a sex change than two mommies or daddies.

Before I end, let's get one thing straight just incase I get a few harsh words. I have a few friends involved with another of the same sex and I still love them. I absolutely do not agree with their lifestyle, but that does not change the person that I have grown to love and trust. Things like this are based on opinions and beliefs and my beliefs are with God. There is a level of respect that should be paid to all people you know and their beliefs. My beliefs are that you can love another man if you are a man, or another woman if you are a woman, but you cannot lay with them like you would your spouse of the opposite sex. Changing your entire body is just completely out of line. I believe that marriage is a sacred thing only to be exchanged between a man and a woman . . . with all the proper organs they had from birth.

See, Speak and Hear No Weight

So yesterday it was time for me to have my once a year girlie appointment. This is most definitely not my favorite place to go seeing that you get fondled in to many places. Any way, when I my name got called I was taken first and foremost to the dreaded SCALE! The nurse says it so delicately to. "Ok sweet heart, we need to get your weight first". Can't we just skip this and say we did it? I can give you a guesstimation? I make my way to this scale that to me looks like one of those giant, how strong are you gadgets at the fair. Well, probably a lot stronger that you might think. I try as I step on to the scale not to see, speak or hear any evil, none of which are possible. First I see. The nurse slowly moves the little black weight right, then right . . . right some more. Hmm, right again all the way to the end. Still a little on the heavy side. Maybe it's my shoes and the 4 inches of hair that I have grown out of my head in the last nine months. I again see her move the bottom black weight and again start pushing the top one to the right again. FINALLY, after what seems like an eternity of weight screeching, she stops and then . . . then I hear. You know, I CAN see what it says on the scale. You don't have to say it out loud. What are you trying to do, rub it in? Get it through to me? Give every other person in that clinic a confidence boost? DAMNIT! At this point I become painfully aware that I have gained 10 pounds in 9 months. That is when I speak. I kick myself in the teeth and then say a few choice words to myself that I know were heard. I guess I failed at the see speak and hear no evil. All in all I could have gotten away from all of them but they tend to put up all the morphine when I come in.

Manners

I went to Panera Bread this morning to grab a little breakfast. On my way out a nice guy held open the door for me and I politely said 'Thanks'. Now usually when I do this, I get a "mmmhmm", "no problem", "sure" or something that almost makes you feel as if it was a hassle for them to open the door for you and they could smack you for letting that other guy get in line before they did. Well, not this guy. He saw me walk towards him as he was coming in and waited for me to get to the door, the whole time with his arm twisted around to get the door. After I expressed my gratitude, he said "My pleasure". I do honestly have to say that I was floored! I have never ever heard a guy be so polite and genuine (accept Mark). It made me feel special in a way. I'm sure he says it whenever he opens a door for anyone, but sometimes politeness like that in a world like this can just make your day. Now, I just need to go find his mother and ask her what her secret was for raising this polite gentleman. Although he couldn't have been much younger than me so I could just ask my mom what she did to raise her four FANTASTIC kids. Anyway, thank you Mr. Panera guy for being so polite. It's hard to find people mindful of manners anymore.

Exercise America.

Well today I feel like I am in a drunken stupor. This past weekend I slept in 2 hours longer than I should have and for some reason I have not been able to catch up. It also irks me that I am inside on a day like this. Therefore I would like to make a small proposal; offer a bit of wishful thinking. I think that it would be a great idea for offices/business to make it a requirement to get atleast 30-45 minutes of exercise during the day. This also will include your lunch hour making your break a total of 1 hour and 45 minutes. It wouldn't be a bad idea. Each business can set up a small gym in an area of their building or get discounted memberships to gyms and require employees to do this in order to keep their health insurance. Who knows, it could possibly benefit people by having less doctor's appointments. It would help relieve everyday stress, rejuvenate you for the remainder of your day, get you out of the office, build up your immune system and possibly create a healthier America. After I work out I usually would rather have a salad than a big fatty filled fast food hamburger. Then, at the end of the month every month, a so-called reward lunch would be catered for everyones progress. Not a bad idea, but still just a proposal and wishful thinking. Then I guess there is the problem of having to sit in the cubicle next to the really heavy breather who sweats a lot any way and smells like onions after they eat lunch.

Okay. Maybe not such a great idea.

Jewel Gone Cuntray

Now, I have all of her CDs, but Jewel's most recent is probably not one that I will buy. Although there are a few songs that luckily I can purchase on iTunes, I will not be buying the whole thing. You can hear the old jewel in there, but the country soaked instrumental sort of ruins it all for me. There are only a few that don't have that sliding guitar and twang to them. I would have to give it only two and a half stars out of 5. Now, had she just been her same old folky self, I may think differently. Jewel has always sounded a bit on the country side but with her own unique touch. I think she took it a bit too far with this one. I hate it when singers push themselves into a different genre like that. Jessica Simpson has been doing a country album as well. I am anticipating that one something fierce; along with a bullet in the eyeball.

Reclaiming Marks Sanity Fund.

Mark. The last few days hearing my husbands name immediately makes me think . . . STRESS. Lately that is all he has been. Just a big huge ball of stress. Every time I talk to him he is complaining or "stressing" about something. It almost makes me feel bad seeing that a typical day for me is quiet, un-bothersome and less cumbersome than his. Boy when we get home though. It's all bitching and moaning. He gets frustrated with me, with the dog, with the bills. It's like he won't let himself just CHILL! He's always in a hurry and spazzing out over it. I'm about ready to introduce us as Mr. and Mrs. Spazzoid. There have been a few times it's been so bad that I have almost said 'Hey, hang on while I put in my headphones and then you can finish talking.' I just wish he would calm down a bit. I have know this man for 10 years and never have I seen him like this. He needs a vacation. A nice long week on a beach somewhere to sit back and forget about everything. Anyone have time share they want to donate? It's going towards a good cause; The RECLAIMING MARKS SANITY FUND!

Death of MTV

So my high school just started up a new myspace type thing called "the bobcat roundup" or www.bobcatroundup.com. Lots of people I know and people I don't know. I am torn between signing up and just avoiding it altogether. I probably won't be going to my high school reunion anyway. I don't know why, but maybe it has to do with my junior year. Maybe. Anyway, on this site they have YouTube videos that they post. A few of them are from the 80's (i.e. The Cure and the Police). Whatever you may think from my opening paragraph, I actually posted this to talk about the death of MTV and videos.

I was quite the insomniac during the summers of my teens. I remember MTV and VH1 being top 2 channels. They were so permanent that even if I changed the channel to 2 and turned it off, the next morning it automatically knew that I needed "MY MTV". Those two channels were on 24/7 for me. I woke up to it, fell asleep to it, had my afternoon chips and salsa to it. It used to be that there wasn't a second that went by when there wasn't a video. It was better than any tv show or movie for me. I love music and this for me was like paradise. Somewhere along the line though it slowly began to turn into crap. I believe it started with TRL. I was able to get used that. I accepted it saying 'ok, top 20 songs, cool videos and an hour or so of screaming retards. I can get through that.' Then there was the Real World. Ok what's going on here. This is now 2 hours along with commercials taking up space for fantastic videos. Then all of a sudden here comes 50 cent and his hos dirtying up the scene. I was down right pissed. Everything I loved about the genius tv station was going to the pitts. After that, TRL stopped playing full videos, only showing about 20 second stints of each video and all of the #1. I was livid. I turned to VH1 for all of my pleasures in music until they started doing the same crap. Celebrity Fit Club, I love the 80's and 90's ( I like the "I loves" by the way) and then . . . UGH. I was over it turning all of my hope towards the radio. Well hope was shot down as soon as I heard the same stupid "MY HO GETS ME DOE" song 50 times in a row. That's not an actual song by the way, just an example. (All rights reserved to those lyrics). What are these people thinking. How frustrating is it when all you want to hear are a few great songs in a row followed by a few different great songs in a row. I just don't get the whole reason behind incessant play of the same song! DUDE, IT GETS OLD WHEN YOUR GRANDMA STARTS TO SING IT!

I gave up on radio and stuck to CD's until I was in an art class 4 years later at and someone had it on Lighting 100. I was hooked. Every song is different and unique; some you even know from back in the day. Then comes along Jack FM. HOLY CRAP. Somebody complained enough and woke up to the horrific realization that music, FANTABULOUS MUSIC, was going extinct. THANK YOU. Comcast even carries MTV all video channels for MTV and VH1 now. It's about time they stopped neglecting the fabulousness and the influence of music and music videos! Then there was that GENIUS idea of iTUNES!!!! I may have had bit of a heart attack at this point. TOTAL AMAZING MUSIC OVERLOAD! Not only can we create our own glorious genre of music but we can download 80% of those videos lost to shitty tv shows like Tela Tequila. (I am so not even going to dignify that with a link)

So thank you Lighting 100, Jack FM, Comcast and iTUNES. Your love of music has saved us music lovers from inevitable painful self inflicted death by cutting off of the eardrums.

Two More Days

Two more days. Two more days and it will officially be another month. Two more days and we will be sitting in the month of the half year mark. I was always one of those kids that wanted to grow up so fast and get through life. My mother always told me to take my time because time flies. I would turn my head and roll my eyes and just think that she only told me that because she didn't have anything better to do than work. A stupid naive kid was I. I would have taken more time to swim in the pool at my grandmothers. I would have taken more time to catch fireflies and hang out with my friends. I would have taken more time to read and enjoy my sisters company. I would have asked my mom to go to a movie more often and not taken so many trivial things so seriously. I would have not cleaned the house as much as I did.

My mother was right in every sense of the word. Now I am not one of those people who can recount every little detail of my 5th birthday party but now, because time flies so quickly, I am beginning to remember more. Why does this scare me? Is it because time actually starts to become shorter as you get older? Is there some sort of fast forward button that you subconsciously push on the clock once you hit 18? I can remember Christmas 2007 like it was yesterday. I remember how it felt and who was sitting where and who did what and who got what. This is not like me. Half the time I can't remember if I changed my underwear much less what happened on Christmas. My mother told me to slow down and I what did I do, I went full speed ahead. Sometimes tossing aside things that mattered just so I could be more serious about life. So here we are. My nephew just turned 6 and was born yesterday. My niece is about to be 2 and was born 5 minutes ago. My sister is about to have her second child in 3 months; the same day I turn 27. Christmas will be here next Sunday and June 2009 will be here next month. It really does move by so quickly. If only there were one more hour in the day. One more hour to work out, to spend with friends, to stay at the beach. If there was only one more hour. If only I had listened to my mother.

Two days. Two days and we have officially begun our journey through half of a year.

Can't Seem to Figure It All Out

I am trying to figure out where my sudden bouts of depression come from. I am also trying to figure out why I can't just cheer up and get over it seeing that I know I'm doing it. For me this is strange. One minute I'm a happy camper and the next I feel like I am lost and that I don't belong anywhere. Everyone would tell me I'm just being stupid, but it is actually something I feel I have started to battle. I know Mark is getting really tired of it. I can just as quickly ignore him as I can give him a kiss. I get so caught up in what isn't that I can't seem to be happy with what is. The worst part is that, like I said, I recognize this but can't seem to do anything about it. Everything and everyone around me is great, but for me there is something missing and not in sync. I hate getting deep and emotional, but sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes you just need to get it out but don't want to worry others with you "ifs ands and buts".

I miss my mind being in a state of accomplishment and being proud. I haven't been able to find that feeling in about 4 years now. It comes and goes in spurts too. It never stays for a long visit. I find myself overly motivated one day to the point that I can't even make sense of my thoughts and so unmotivated the next that I feel like just another average spec going through daily life. Some people are happy doing that, but I'm not. I'm not happy being indecisive and unmotivated and too motivated. None of this makes sense. Hence the reason I am writing it. I get so listless and bored when I can't find drive in my life. I really hope that this blog helps me put one foot forward. I don't how much longer I can tango with my mind.

Spinning Beotch Ball

I'm having very unhealthy thoughts at the moment. Thoughts of murder and hair pulling. Does anyone have any idea how incredibly annoying it is for someone who works on a computer to have to sit there and wait until that over thought and over designed Mac beach ball stops spinning to do work? ANYBODY? I've have worked on a Mac for about 8 years now and never had this problem before. If you know me, you know that I can forget what I am talking about in mid sentence, so, sitting and waiting for that ball to stop spinning does not help my design process. I have made mention of it once or twice to the "tech guy" around the office, only to get a "Hmmmm. Maybe it's just you." I have also done a bunch of trashing and updating. Nothing.

I wonder what would happen if I just accidently go tangled in the cords and smashed the computer on the floor. Maybe I could trip on my pant leg in mid swing of a sledge hammer and hit the computer in the middle of the screen. Seems like that's the only solution given that I have mentioned the annoying beach ball and slow activity a million times and nothing is getting done about it. I dream about the colorful spinning ball. That's how much I see the damn thing.

Maybe this only goes to show that a computer is still a computer no matter who makes it. It's only the details (i.e. iLife, iWeb, blah blah blah) that appeal to the consumer.

Now. . . the hair pulling, because I know I will have to wait at least 30 seconds for this to post.

It's Time for the Critters

Imagine a cross between a centipede, 10 legged spider and one of those fuzzy caterpillars that turns into a beautiful butterfly. No such thing you say. I certainly beg to differ. It's about that time of year here around the office when putting your feet under your desk seems like a very bad idea. You also wish that you could somehow, using your phoenix feather tipped wand, hang your bag, purse, sweater and yourself, in mid air. I have yet to figure out what these things are but they move like lightning and give you chills every time you look at them. I've got chills running up and down my spine at the moment just writing this. My feet also under my desk and . . . in the chair now. The little critters frequent the bathroom and even in your most desperate moment for relief, make you think twice about going out behind the building with a roll of toilet paper. One of my coworkers said she thinks they are a big version of silver fish. Ummmm, no. Silver fish are small and silver. These things are the size of my thumb with antennae, and about 60 legs that hover about 2 inches over the caterpillar shaped body. Smushing sounds like you just stepped on a hand full of goldfish crackers and then is proceeded by dry heaving. I have been here almost two years now and I really am wondering why no one has ever gotten the Orkin Man out here to make it easier for us to put our feet on the floor or plop our butt on the toilet. I just imagine them scattering in the morning when that first light comes on occasionally leaving a bit of evidence of a mutating ritual (i.e. one dead spider, on dead caterpillar, one dead centipede, mini handcuffs and a whip).