See, Speak and Hear No Weight

So yesterday it was time for me to have my once a year girlie appointment. This is most definitely not my favorite place to go seeing that you get fondled in to many places. Any way, when I my name got called I was taken first and foremost to the dreaded SCALE! The nurse says it so delicately to. "Ok sweet heart, we need to get your weight first". Can't we just skip this and say we did it? I can give you a guesstimation? I make my way to this scale that to me looks like one of those giant, how strong are you gadgets at the fair. Well, probably a lot stronger that you might think. I try as I step on to the scale not to see, speak or hear any evil, none of which are possible. First I see. The nurse slowly moves the little black weight right, then right . . . right some more. Hmm, right again all the way to the end. Still a little on the heavy side. Maybe it's my shoes and the 4 inches of hair that I have grown out of my head in the last nine months. I again see her move the bottom black weight and again start pushing the top one to the right again. FINALLY, after what seems like an eternity of weight screeching, she stops and then . . . then I hear. You know, I CAN see what it says on the scale. You don't have to say it out loud. What are you trying to do, rub it in? Get it through to me? Give every other person in that clinic a confidence boost? DAMNIT! At this point I become painfully aware that I have gained 10 pounds in 9 months. That is when I speak. I kick myself in the teeth and then say a few choice words to myself that I know were heard. I guess I failed at the see speak and hear no evil. All in all I could have gotten away from all of them but they tend to put up all the morphine when I come in.