I've been sitting and thinking about what I could write today, or yesterday, or a week ago. I've decided. I will talk about my "I can't pee in the lake" syndrome. Yes. I cannot do it. The last two times I have gone to the lake, I have had to swim to shore and squat in the woods. I constantly get razzed about it, even by my husband. They all make it sound so easy when in fact, aside from wakeboarding, it's the hardest thing I have tried to do.
This past weekend I went to the lake with some friends for an end of the summer/beginning of fall softball season. We had drinks, food, kamikazes going down slides and busting noses and me . . . swimming to shore with my flip flops in hand ready to drown from the mile long swim that Michael Phelps would have mastered in half a second. Believe me, I try. I try so hard I think I might shoot my entire bladder out, but nothing happens. It's almost as if there is zero gravity for my bladder when I'm in water. It just sits and floats. This wasn't a problem when I was 5. Here I am in the woods squatting, with who knows what watching me. Creepy. I begin to make my way back to the boat and once I'm there, struggling for my life to make it in the boat, I decide that I just need more beer, because there is not way in HELL I am swimming back to shore. That's it, beer will certainly help keep my mind off of peeing in the lake and then, I will just do it. Soo, no, that didn't work either. As I am sitting in the boat in pain and not wanting to swim back to shore and look like an even bigger douche than I already am, I realize that everyone is on one side of the pontoon boat and the other boat is anchored on the other side. There is a step and a ladder on the other boat. One of my friends is sitting in the boat and as I begin to make my way to the other boat, she keeps an eye on me.
Now the ladder on this boat pushes into the step. It can come all the way out, or just a little, not dipping into the water. I came up with the clever idea to kind of make it a make shift toilet seat. I pulled the ladder out just enough to where I was sitting above the water. My friend peeks around and says "Anything yet?" Oh, she's onto me. 'Nothing yet'
As she turns away . . . sssssssssssssssss. Awesome! I grab my noodle ( I'm talking about a swimming noodle for you with the dirty mind) and swim away. When I bob my head out of the water, what do I hear but HUGE applause. "LEANNA PEED IN THE LAKE!!!!! WHOO HOOO!" Well, thanks to my make shift toilet and everyone being on the other side of the boat, peeing success was possible. I can guarantee you that it probably will never happen again because I won't have a pontoon boat posing as my bathroom door. I will be swimming to shore, slipping on rocks and living up to my last name.
This past weekend I went to the lake with some friends for an end of the summer/beginning of fall softball season. We had drinks, food, kamikazes going down slides and busting noses and me . . . swimming to shore with my flip flops in hand ready to drown from the mile long swim that Michael Phelps would have mastered in half a second. Believe me, I try. I try so hard I think I might shoot my entire bladder out, but nothing happens. It's almost as if there is zero gravity for my bladder when I'm in water. It just sits and floats. This wasn't a problem when I was 5. Here I am in the woods squatting, with who knows what watching me. Creepy. I begin to make my way back to the boat and once I'm there, struggling for my life to make it in the boat, I decide that I just need more beer, because there is not way in HELL I am swimming back to shore. That's it, beer will certainly help keep my mind off of peeing in the lake and then, I will just do it. Soo, no, that didn't work either. As I am sitting in the boat in pain and not wanting to swim back to shore and look like an even bigger douche than I already am, I realize that everyone is on one side of the pontoon boat and the other boat is anchored on the other side. There is a step and a ladder on the other boat. One of my friends is sitting in the boat and as I begin to make my way to the other boat, she keeps an eye on me.
Now the ladder on this boat pushes into the step. It can come all the way out, or just a little, not dipping into the water. I came up with the clever idea to kind of make it a make shift toilet seat. I pulled the ladder out just enough to where I was sitting above the water. My friend peeks around and says "Anything yet?" Oh, she's onto me. 'Nothing yet'
As she turns away . . . sssssssssssssssss. Awesome! I grab my noodle ( I'm talking about a swimming noodle for you with the dirty mind) and swim away. When I bob my head out of the water, what do I hear but HUGE applause. "LEANNA PEED IN THE LAKE!!!!! WHOO HOOO!" Well, thanks to my make shift toilet and everyone being on the other side of the boat, peeing success was possible. I can guarantee you that it probably will never happen again because I won't have a pontoon boat posing as my bathroom door. I will be swimming to shore, slipping on rocks and living up to my last name.
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