New Year . . . New What?

2010. It seems so surreal. The number seems like such a number that shouldn't exist, yet we are here. My Grandmother would have called me and said "Happy 29th year!" I am in my 29th year of life. It's crazy when you think about the fact that I am in the process of completing my 29th year of life. It's a broken record but I honestly can't believe how quickly time flies. I feel like just yesterday I was sitting in my living room watching the Smurfs, eating captain crunch without a care in the world. Okay, maybe I can actually still do that but you know what I mean. Things just don't get easier. There is more to do and more to want. There is frustration, sadness, and moving on along side of joys, newness, excitement and inspiration. It's a constant ball in the air that we are trying so hard not to drop or else we make a disaster of what we are trying to keep together for our, in my case, 29th year.

Being a kid just seems so much easier. The trials and frustrations of life for the most part are masked by our parents and the ones who love us. Children are constantly being shown new things to learn and new joys to, well, enjoy and those things help mask and keep their minds off of every day frustrations. I know it's something we all wish for but I wish I was a kid again. Even if just for a day, I'm sure that there is a lesson to be learned there. Just toss all your cares away and watch the Smurfs, play Nintendo, or go outside and ride your bike for hours. In reality though we get older and wiser, or maybe just stupider? It starts to get harder to toss our cares when we are told to toss them to someone we cannont see. God.

Unfortunately God does not mask for us like our mother and father. Let me clarify that I believe in the Lord but I am in a place now where I feel I am at his mercy because I haven't listened and now I'm screwed. I should have tossed my cares a long time ago into the hands of the Father. I'm learning something new everyday. This is the second time that I have come with great need and desperation. The second time. My problem is struggling with the fact that I have only needed God when it's been convenient for me to need. Where do I go from here? What do I do? What do I change? Doesn't he know that I'm the type of person that likes for things to be consistent? That's how he made me so why am I having to think about changing that all? It seems like a lot of what we read can be a double edged sword and it just gets hard to wrap me head around. Anyway, no need for a life story. Just a small thought and piece of where my brain is restlessly right now. If I say anything at the beginning of this new year it will be a prayer:

Lord ,

Your ways are unknowing, your paths we will never figure out so I just pray for guidance. I pray for strength in my marriage, in my relationships and protection for all that you have in store for me this new year. I pray and ask for your voice to be heard. I know you promise joy as well as pain and I ask that there be more joy than pain for the 2010 year and beyond. I thank you for all of the blessings that I have already received, and those that I might. I pray that I can be the person that you have made me to be as a wife, daughter, and friend. Please keep my mind set on you in all that I do and help me to find the path you have chosen. Ultimately I know that that is a place your promise lives for me.

So be it . . .

I pray the same for all of you who read. May this 2010 be filled with cares thrown to the Lord as you sit withe the Smurfs and a bowl of PB Captain Crunch.