Lately I'm Not Smiling

I think a lot. I think a lot about who I am, what I want to be and what I am to others. I wonder a lot of the time if I am like this flower. When I stand alone, am I vibrant and unique or am I just your average flower set in the middle of the rest? It's sounds stupid. I'm sure everyone wants to feel vibrant and unique. Here though lies the struggle within myself. What do I have to do to become like this flower? What do I have to do to become all the things I want to be for myself, my family, my friends? No one really understands. No one really gets me I don't think. I have no idea why I'm telling all of you this. I don't know, but sometimes you just have to get things out.

Lately I've been feeling a bit down. I've been feeling like my life is taking a different direction and I don't know where it turned. I don't know where I fit anymore. Things are always taking the course that I didn't expect or agree on. It doesn't matter how much I want it all to happen a certain way, nor does it matter the efforts I take. Everything always goes differently. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the changes are great, but a lot of them have become stressful too. I just want everything to come into balance. So is it a matter of faith, or has God already given me the foundation and I just have to make it balance on my own? Vibrance comes out of me every so often and then it disappears. I just wish everything would finally come together so I could be that flower for the rest of my life. Do you honestly think people can change or do you think we are who we are? Are we locked into our own habits and personality?

I think back on a lot of things. I think to much maybe. Some of the time though I don't like those reflecting moments. Lately, I haven't had one good reflecting moment. I desire no pity or comments. I just needed to put that out there. . .